How healing fantasies keep us from experiencing true intimacy

This is the monthly exploration for relating to this month's theme.

Dear Community, 

What happens when we grow up or spend extended periods of time in environments where our basic needs for connection–care, belonging, and safety–aren't met? Our hearts break. (I talked more about this in an IG post this week.)

That kind of emotional pain and loneliness is a lot to bear, especially if we’re young; the wisdom of our bodies and psyches will help us find ways to cope with that kind of stress and hurt. One way they do this is through what psychologist Dr. Lindsay Gibson calls healing fantasies. 

Gibson says this: “The one thing all emotionally deprived children have in common is coming up with a fantasy about how they will eventually get what they need. As children, we make sense of the world by putting together a story that explains our life to us. We imagine what would make us feel better and create…a hopeful story about what will make us truly happy one day. The hopeful fantasy of one day being loved and attended to keeps them going.”

Ouch, right? And so tender.